Toe Jam Not For Toast

Toast, toasted (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are all kinds of wonderful jams out there and many of them are great for toast in the morning or anytime as a general snack.  Toe Jam is not on the list of jams I would want to put on my toast however.  Just not a very appealing concept.

  You always have to wonder about where ideas like this come from.  Don't ask, we work hard at this.

Another Free Alternative To Glue

We have found yet another free alternative to glue.  Ear Wax.  That's right.  It might not be pretty, but it sure is cheap.  In fact, it's free.  It should do a fine job holding paper together.  Make your very own sticky notes using ear wax.  All you have to do is stop cleaning your ears everyday.  Wait about a week for a nice buildup and your have some nice sticky yellow stuff.  Don't think it will work?  Try it.  After a week, clean your ears with a q-tip and then see if the q-tip with all the wax on it won't stick to your mirror or wall.
Sage Crude Advice.  It don't get any better than this.

Collecting Finger And Toe Nail Clippings Is Not A Hobby

Hobbies are wonderful things.  People collect all kinds of stuff.  It can be a lot of fun and very enjoyable and in some cases even profitable.  Collecting finger nail and or toe nail clippings however does not exactly fit into the hobby profile.  I don't care if the nails may have belonged to Elvis or not, I still would not want them.
Sage Crude Advice.

Brown Racing Stripes In Underwear Not A Fashion Statement

Brown racing stripes in your underwear is not a fashion statement.  Imagine Tom Cruise in the Risky Business video above if he had just that.  And now, will you ever be able to watch this video without imagining those brown racing stripes?  Sage Crude Advice.

Testing Green Recycling Toilet Paper

We have decided to test going green and we have decided what we are going to recycle  our used toilet paper.  We are now collecting paper grocery bags for our collection.  The bags are being put into our bathrooms and there is where we will put our used toilet paper.  We think it might be best to use a well sealed garbage container to hold the bags.

  From there we will take the filled paper bags down to the paper recycling center and just add that in with the rest of the paper.  We highly recommend you buy all the recycled paper you can in the future as we know we won't because we know what we are adding into the mix.  So if your next newspaper smells like crap, don't blame us, we are only trying to do our part.  I know I'm smiling.  Sage Crude Advice.

Urinal Cakes Are Not Tasty Treats

Normally you hear the word cake when someone is describing something, urinal cakes are like two opposite ends of the spectrum from each other.  When I think of a cake, I am thinking of something good to eat.  A urinal cake is not my idea of something good to eat however.  Not on our recommended list of things to try in this lifetime.  Also, not recommended as a form of aroma therapy either.  Sage Crude Advice.

A Wall Is Not A Boogie Bank

The whole idea of using a wall in one's house or home as a place to store one's boogie collection is not exactly a sane idea.  That is unless of course you are designing a very clever collage and you are trying to keep it a secret until the masterpiece is finished.  

A Pool Is Not A Toilet

I don't know about you but I personally have no desire to swim in a toilet.  So the idea of swimming in a pool where people have no respect for others and want to pee in the pool, not my idea of fun.  So please remember, a pool is not a toilet.  And you thought this didn't have to be said?  But then again, maybe we could always install a large flush handle on the pool?

Never Hold A Naked Baby In The Air While Your Mouth Is Open

Some very sound advice for anyone about to hold a baby.  Make sure the baby is not naked.  If the baby is naked, do not hold the baby above your head, especially if you plan on opening your mouth in any way.  You never know what kind of surprise you might be in for if you do not heed this advice.  That's why it's Sage advice.  It might be crude, but it sure is wise.

Fart Sniffing Not Aroma Therapy

Much has been written on the subject of aroma therapy and all it's health benefits.  How uplifting or calming aroma therapy can be.  Well fart sniffing does NOT fall into the category of aroma therapy and not what we would consider good sound advice for anyone who is down in more ways than one.

Boogie Farming

You may see a little boy picking his nose in this picture.  We see something different.  We see an all new industry.  Boogie Farming.  He's digging deep for some precious goodies.  When all is said and done, he will breathe an all new sigh of relief.  It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.  Our hat off to this little guy.  Happy plucking.  May the snot be with you all.  By the way, boogies are actually rotted snot.  Snot rot is nothing more than the formation of boogies.  Think about it.

A Toilet Is Not A Good Place To Wash Your Hands

Some very sage but crude advice is not to wash your hands in a toilet.  Not really sure why but we figured any place where you dump human waste can't be good for washing your hands in.

Cheap Foot Message Solution

We found a real cheap solution for a fast foot message.  In fact, it's so cheap that you can even take advantage of this solution in your local Wal Mart or the local gas station.  Stick your bare foot in the toilet and give it a quick swirl.  Fast and cheap foot message.  What could possibly be better?  Hey, don't knock it until you try it.   Repeat as often as you wish. 

Free Temporary Solution For Glue

If you are looking for a free temporary solution to glue when none is on had, consider this.  Snot is a rather sticky substance and has been known to keep pieces of paper together for very long periods at a time.  So next time you find yourself looking for the glue, instead of driving yourself nuts looking all over the place, just hold one nostril closed and blow hard with the other one to work out some good snot.  Happy blowing.

A Toilet Is Not A Bathtub

Always keep in mind that a toilet is not a bathtub and not a very good place to think about taking a bath.  Sage advice in our opinion.  Chime in and let us know what you think.

Welcome Message

Welcome to Sage's Crude Advice.  Our mission is to entertain you offend some of you and in general, have fun with some very off the wall advice.  And we mean what we say, we think.  Not really sure.  You be the judge.  Take it for what it's worth.  This is a free site so you know what it;s worth already.  Enjoy and thanks for stopping by.